| THIS IS SO RIGHT!!!! |
[Dec. 4th, 2004|11:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  grateful | ] |
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone---to have a deep sound relationship with another---to be loved thoroughly, and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, " No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone---to having an intensely personal and unique relationship that I have planned for you. You united-completely-with Me-exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing---One that you cannot imagine. I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE BEST. Please allow Me to bring to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning the things I PROMISE and MEAN. BE PATIENT--that's all."
"Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at what others have gotten or that I have given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to me, or you will miss what I want to show you."
"And then, when you are ready. I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any of you would dream of. Yous ee, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, (I am working even this moment to have both of you ready at the same time) until you are both satisfied with Me and the life I want you to have, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me--a perfect love."
"And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love."
So this is the reason! The reason why Sheila doesn't date...yet. In the words of someone else.
He's blessed me with this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|01:48 pm] |
so i think i'm really "in like" with someone.
uh ohhhh.
we'll just move to japan and be rock star missionaries. |
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| so i posted this on my xangerrr... |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|11:02 pm] |
3 AM. I should be in bed, but thoughts still stir.
Anathallo. Family. Friends. All blessed me this weekend.
Thanks, I don't deserve these.
Pray for a dear friend in need?
I thought I would share this with you.
From Anathallo's "Thoughts Too Big For News"
[07.30.04]
Etalo pointed across the street when we arrived at a large green building in the 3rd zone of guatemala city at midnight. Lined along the wall were layers of newspapers, plastic wrap, cardboard and other junk, covering bodies. He talked to them in Spanish and they arose, coming across the street,... some of them carrying others. It was raining and the rain was very cold. They huddled in a line against a garage door, and Etalo began to sing. They knew songs about Jesus, that he had taught them on other visits, and they laughed as people performed skits about the love of God and His desire to know them.
They live on the street and kill hunger and depression by constantly huffing glue off of fabric that they retrieve from an industrial waste dumpster. It keeps them warm. Everyone huffs, and they are all very high. We sing a song called Te Allabore and one man staggers forward, holds out his hands and passes out on the cement for an hour or so,...
We feed them food, and pray with them. One man named Miguel clings to me while we pray and cries to Jesus for help, squeezing the life out of me. They have the option to get in Etalos van and get off the streets, but the thought of quitting glue is too hard to fathom. Etalo says he will see them next week. He loves them so much.
Next we move on to another area of the city where Etalo knows of another squat. A man stands in front of the gate like a guard, and the prospect of entering doesnt look too promising. Once Etalo appears we are welcomed in,... it rains very hard.
We offer just to bring food and leave, because its so cold and it rains so hard. We are welcomed in,... people yell to Etalo in haggled voices,... they dont want him to go,... they want us to sing and tell them about Jesus.
We walk into a burnt out night club and a gate closes behind us. The roof is burnt out. We turn a corner and see flickering candles. Around 30 people are huddled together in a very small stairwell. It stinks of glue so badly that we all get a little high. One boy is less than 10 years old. There is also a teenage girl, huffing with the soon to be father of the baby which she carries.
When we sing, a choir of the worst voices that I have ever heard join us in worshipping God. Its a desperate wail. I look over after a couple minutes and see Etalo in the back corner, illuminated by a candle melted to the wall. He is holding a young boy in his arms so tightly singing over him with a smile of adoration.
Zeph. 3 verse 17 came to mind...
It was such an image of Gods love! Im screwed up in the worst ways, but He quiets me with His love. He rejoices over me with singing. He holds me when I cant even stand up.
::
----------------------
I see this for the first time today. And again I'm reminded... He holds onto us when we can't even stand up.
Zeph. 3 v. 17
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
I'm getting so much out of reading lately. I should go to a bible college or a lot of theology classes. Hm.
Oh! Oh! Saturday was the first time I took a photograph since... Wow. A long time ago. Mississippi? Yes. And even then, I only took a few. It felt good to hold the camera again.
Ok. Goodnight loves.
*Edit* 1:30 PM 11/08/04
In a matter of 10 hours I screwed up so bad againnnn. WHYYYY DO I DO THIS? |
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| its love. |
[Oct. 16th, 2004|01:42 am] |
soo.
i love my friends.
as always our hearts go back to the same places they were when we were last together.
i miss my new friends though.
i cant wait until heaven when we can all be together.
for real. |
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| lovely, lovely. |
[Oct. 11th, 2004|10:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Eisley: Treetops | ] |
i walked.
the wind was so strong.
it told me it was going to carry me away.
but my feet kept going.
and the leaves crunch-crunched under my feet.
bliss.
yes.
there's no love like love from the Creator. |
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| praise yaweh! |
[Oct. 10th, 2004|11:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
finally!
an entry where i'm not sad!
i feel full.
talking about things is good. really.
i should have realized that.
i feel closer.
to the God that breathes life into me.
its amazing.
oh man.. also.
i cant wait for heaven.
i miss shano.
and i just can't wait for heaven. |
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| tugging at heart strings. |
[Oct. 10th, 2004|02:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nico: These Days | ] |
its homecoming.
the neighbors are noisy.
my face is blank. yet again.
i want emotions. |
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| whats wrong? |
[Oct. 9th, 2004|01:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | denali: the instinct | ] |
i went to see miss saigon in champaign tonight with caitlin and megan who are always a pleasure to hang out with.
i drove the wrong way down a one way street. and a cop was there. she nicely told me that i was going the wrong way. im an idiot.
anyway. miss saigon is a sad and depressing musical. there really is no moral to the story or anything. it's just about a crazy time in our history. i sat there wanting to cry. feeling crying inside, but no tears in my eyes.
i did the same thing with music on the car ride home that made me think of things that would normally bring tears to my eyes. but the waters just would not work.
its not cool, because the times i want to cry, i can't. like when i'm in my dorm room, there are persons around. when i'm alone, it's physically impossible.
i just want to cry. that's all.
have tears fall from my cheeks.
i know that sounds weird, but i need it.
"i have my own beam light
an apparition, a sensation is no guide
and on my way to see
something caught my eye
the light inside is on
watch your step
take a breath if you come in
did i invite you in?
most impressions fade
but you're still standing
there is no landing for now
a watchful eye can see right in
will it be innocence or just a daydream that dies?
how did you get so close to being in here?
did i invite you in again?"
welcome
by denali |
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